Had a bumpy start to the year losing shifts/hours at the job at a hotel in the quaint village of Great Offley. January was the last straw as I found myself getting brain fog/memory loss all of sudden. Had a right telling off from my new boss who was also a receptionist for 'forgetting' to do a big job and guilt tripped me by saying lots of staff had to do it when I finished. So this led me to see a doctor and my cause of memory loss turned out to be hypothyroid (under active thyroid). I thought it was depression, but depression is only a symptom and so is anxiety.
I never had a chance to tell my boss cos I wasn't getting anymore work. I had already started an evening job at this point just to help get some extra money in. It was getting joke with this hotel, which prompt me to find another job. I found a daily morning cleaning job at pub down the road from me, key holder. Wasn't hard getting it as my several years of cleaning experience served me well and responding to their every needs. Heard nothing still from the hotel, so by the end of February I handed in a months notice. Didn't get offered any shifts in that time either. But… I did get £500 of holiday owed pay, which I had no idea about. This went towards a new digital SLR camera and part for a holiday.
By this time, I'd been dating this guy. Treat me nice, took me out places, went to see live bands with me, met a few of my friends and some of his. Mid-March he lost his best friend to murder, but at the same time, he was giving me the silent treatment a lot and I only saw him or spoke to him when it suited him. This had me confused and anxious for some time. I even eventually agreed to sleep with him (which was awful). Things for me mentally got worse again since leaving the hospital job in April 2013. I wasn't totally sure of what it was, which drove me to visit him unannounced as I also wasn't sure if his phone was on or anything. He soon started making out he had what I have wrong with me and even used it as way to get me to leave. I broke down in front of him telling him I was having concerns that my anxiety was cos of the relationship. I soon resorted to talking to his mother. He did not like this. When I next saw him, his masked was completely removed. The look in his eyes were horrific. Then the next time and to be last time I saw him in June, he confesses he was leading me on, but we both knew that was a lie. He was using me. He was a narcissist. So the relationship was all lies.
I was hurt and mentally scarred from the experience. But I decided to finally do something for me. Try losing some weight as I did pile it on being with him. I went to my local salon and started using Flabelos. It has worked miracles for my figure.
Then I made another mistake. I got dating a guy who claimed he was transgender, but he turned out to be even worse. He's divorced with a child. He constantly lied, guilt tripped, tried to control and manipulate me. Hated me going to gigs and seeing my friends. He made out he was jealous and practically accused me of trying to cheat on him. I helped him on a show at the local theatre being an assistant lighting tech. I enjoyed it, but he ruined it for me by almost bleeding me dry of my money for the month and being down right nasty to me. He was more narcissistic than the last guy. Of course he broke up with me, but I had it coming cos I wouldn't let him get his way. But not only that, he gives up being trans. I found it hard to believe he was a true trans. He pretended he had a split personality, like his other side was his female alias and not the narcissism. Also he was taking pills to make him more feminine. All they did was make him impotent. Served him right to fair for fantasising about me having kids with him, which I don't want.
After him I've decided to call it a day on relationships for a while.
Also after that I decided to get the corset he didn't want me to have (cos he didn't like me dressing goth) and I've come up with a new steampunk outfit, which I wore on my birthday parties. To be honest I have more fun on my own and with my best friends. I saw bands such as Jesus Hooligan, Maleficent, Professor Elemental and later Dragonforce.
Now we're entering the Christmas holiday, I'm going to catch up with some old friends make time to relax before going back to work.
Hopefully 2015 will be a big improvement.