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About Digital Art / Hobbyist Official Beta Tester Michelle28/Female/United Kingdom Recent Activity
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Activity


Preparing to go to Cardiff this weekend
2 failed relationships in one year. The first last six months and he was a narcissistic arsehole. The second I thought better of being transgender, but he was also hard work cos of being clingy and controlling and didn't seem to like me having a life of my own without getting jealous and guilt trippy.

All I want now if a holiday and an awesome birthday. Planning to go to Cardiff end of this month and having a steampunk themed birthday in Welwyn, which has been extended with a couple of gigs in London also.

I thought my depression and anxiety were improving, but since the second break up, my panic attacks are worse again. Maybe I was calm during the second relationship despite his constant clingyness, which would constantly annoy me, especially when Im trying to work or sleep. I have terrible fatigue at the moment and now the days are growing shorter, I'm tired even earlier now. One of the reasons I haven't done any art for a while.

For now I now to have no relationships til I'm feeling better in myself. I realised relationships don't fix you. Only you. I had another reiki session and the lady gave me some sound advice, which I totally agree with as I would have thought the same myself.

I'm really angry about the second relationship as he was so desperate to be with me and then when I was with him, he accused me of not loving him at all. He was moving pretty fast for me. He'd nitpick, guilt trip and put me down sometimes and wondered why we argued. He also tried to change who I am, making me wear things I don't feel comfortable in. Basically didn't like me being goth. He ruined his body by self medicating to become feminine and now turning his back on his female side all together. He also has a young autistic son, who I'm going to miss. I was already postponed from seeing him by his ex wife, the mother of his child for six months. I had five more to go. I always thought if anyone would screw that up, it would be him. I hated that he expected me to text all the time, even when I was busy and tell him every detail of what I'm doing and how I'm feeling. I just started doing it less and less. We even worked together on a theatre production on the lighting, which I enjoyed, but cos he ended it, I can't face going back doing another show.

What also pisses me off, is he'd been hiding all of this from his mum and would never visit me. He took it personally when my parents didn't thank him for the show tickets and they didn't know who he was.

Hoping for a better 2015, even if I'm still in the same jobs for another 12 months.
  • Mood: Agony
  • Listening to: Professor elemental - Everything stops for tea
  • Watching: The Big Bang Theory
  • Playing: Family Guy iPad
  • Drinking: Coke
Been busy with photography and working on a theatre production. Back to the art making soon.

So my relationship has ended after six months. I have been taken for a ride. Turns out he is narcissistic and was using his best friends death as an excuse to push me away.

The only reason he broke it off is cos I told him what I felt was going on, which was my mental health was getting worse cos of him being 'depressed' or more of an arsehole and as he put it, he was in 'shock'. Narcissists don't like hearing the truth from the other person. He first promised we'd go on break, but that was just to make it easier for him to break it off with me at some point. I tried reasoning with him, but it was like talking to a brick wall.

It hurt for a while, but someone spelt it out for me, what he was and what he was doing and now my depression and anxiety are at ease and thanks to being with friends I have my confidence back.

Only thing is I don't think I could move on again for a while. I really loved him. Well the fake side of him. When his true self was coming out, I was feeling so ashamed and he even embarrassed me a bit. He kept breaking promises and usually he was only trying to get me into bed. I made sure it was only when I wanted to. I wouldn't let him control me.

I had seen him since the break up, which was at a pub we both are fond of, he didn't stick around for more than a minute. He definitely knew I was there. I feel a lot of anger and our paths cross again, I don't know what I'd do.

  • Mood: Vengeful
  • Listening to: Milke Snow - Animal
  • Watching: Doctor who
  • Playing: Family Guy iPad
  • Eating: chocolate
  • Drinking: Coke

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MangakaMaiden's Profile Picture
MangakaMaiden
Michelle
Artist | Hobbyist | Digital Art
United Kingdom
Digital anime artist from England, just about improved my style enough to seem more professional with a tablet. I also do photography, which is seperate on flickr. My official website is coming end of September 2011.

Most of my work is original art from my own imagination with a little fanart of my favourite shows and people.
Interests
2 failed relationships in one year. The first last six months and he was a narcissistic arsehole. The second I thought better of being transgender, but he was also hard work cos of being clingy and controlling and didn't seem to like me having a life of my own without getting jealous and guilt trippy.

All I want now if a holiday and an awesome birthday. Planning to go to Cardiff end of this month and having a steampunk themed birthday in Welwyn, which has been extended with a couple of gigs in London also.

I thought my depression and anxiety were improving, but since the second break up, my panic attacks are worse again. Maybe I was calm during the second relationship despite his constant clingyness, which would constantly annoy me, especially when Im trying to work or sleep. I have terrible fatigue at the moment and now the days are growing shorter, I'm tired even earlier now. One of the reasons I haven't done any art for a while.

For now I now to have no relationships til I'm feeling better in myself. I realised relationships don't fix you. Only you. I had another reiki session and the lady gave me some sound advice, which I totally agree with as I would have thought the same myself.

I'm really angry about the second relationship as he was so desperate to be with me and then when I was with him, he accused me of not loving him at all. He was moving pretty fast for me. He'd nitpick, guilt trip and put me down sometimes and wondered why we argued. He also tried to change who I am, making me wear things I don't feel comfortable in. Basically didn't like me being goth. He ruined his body by self medicating to become feminine and now turning his back on his female side all together. He also has a young autistic son, who I'm going to miss. I was already postponed from seeing him by his ex wife, the mother of his child for six months. I had five more to go. I always thought if anyone would screw that up, it would be him. I hated that he expected me to text all the time, even when I was busy and tell him every detail of what I'm doing and how I'm feeling. I just started doing it less and less. We even worked together on a theatre production on the lighting, which I enjoyed, but cos he ended it, I can't face going back doing another show.

What also pisses me off, is he'd been hiding all of this from his mum and would never visit me. He took it personally when my parents didn't thank him for the show tickets and they didn't know who he was.

Hoping for a better 2015, even if I'm still in the same jobs for another 12 months.
  • Mood: Agony
  • Listening to: Professor elemental - Everything stops for tea
  • Watching: The Big Bang Theory
  • Playing: Family Guy iPad
  • Drinking: Coke

Comments


Add a Comment:
 
:iconyodon:
Yodon Featured By Owner Feb 1, 2014  Student Digital Artist
thx for the watch
Reply
:iconmangakamaiden:
MangakaMaiden Featured By Owner Feb 3, 2014  Hobbyist Digital Artist
no problemo :)
Reply
:iconalexknight:
AlexKnight Featured By Owner Nov 6, 2013   General Artist
HAPPY BIRTHDAY HUN!!! I WISH YOU THE BEST, :hug: Stay Tuned for your gift! :hug:
Reply
:iconcaptainy:
CaptainY Featured By Owner Jul 12, 2013  Hobbyist Digital Artist
Thanks for the fav :iconlazeplz:
Reply
:iconmangakamaiden:
MangakaMaiden Featured By Owner Jul 12, 2013  Hobbyist Digital Artist
no problem :3
Reply
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